I got Hardin out of bed this morning, and excitedly told him this was his last day as a zero! It sounded much worse than it did in my head. He smiled and said bah bah, so I'm pretty sure he wasn't insulted.
For the record, I have only teared up twice about this birthday thing. Once last night, and once on my way home today. I feel silly, because it really truly keeps getting better. But as the mama I reserve the right to be unhappy about the pace at which things are getting better!
It feels like yesterday I was in the hospital getting ready to welcome my first born. That feeling reminds me that I never told the story of his birth. What better time than a year after I was experiencing it.
I should start by saying this is a long story, but if I'm going to tell it, I want to tell all of it.
At the first meeting with my OB, I knew I wanted him to help me bring my baby into this world. I had tried to get appointments with him in the past, but he was only accepting new patients if they were expecting. I finally had the golden ticket. He came very highly recommended from a dear friend who had a less than desirable experience with her first OB. He answered all of our questions and told us many stories to explain his responses. He remembered every detail of so many women, their entire pregnancy and delivery. Jason also trusted him, and told him "I just want you to tell me exactly what you would do if it was your wife through all of this."
For the first few months everything was close to perfect. I was overweight when I got pregnant, and began losing weight quite quickly because I was a little sick (and in all honesty, I wasn't eating and drinking with Jason on the weekends). They said that was totally normal. In my second trimester, we did a blood glucose screening, to test for gestational diabetes. Sure enough, I tested positive.
Once I adjusted my eating to watch for that, I felt like a new person. I had been so tired I couldn't even see straight, and figured it was just how pregnant women felt. Once I cut out the sugar, I was certainly still tired, but nothing like before. It was amazing.
I was bound and determined to make it through gestational diabetes without insulin. I didn't like the idea of putting that in my body while I was growing a new one. I did very well with it until the end. The thing about gestational diabetes is that it's not based on what you eat alone, sometimes your sugar just gets outta whack because you are pregnant. There were a few times at work that I literately had to lay down in the middle of the floor and wait until my vision cleared up. Many times my blood sugar tested well above 200 after no sugar at all. Doc said as long as those spells were few and far between, no insulin needed.
There was one other thing that weighed heavily on me although I tried my hardest not to let it. The risk of still birth with gestational diabetes is higher than normal, and goes up substantially after 40 weeks. I did a TON of research on it. It consumed my life when I was first diagnosed, and I would be lying if I said that thought didn't enter my mind every single day of my pregnancy. Especially at the end.
The last few weeks, I started having non stress test, to monitor the baby's movement and my blood pressure. All was well and good. My Doc, who early on had braced me for possibly inducing at 39 weeks, said I was doing great and there was no reason to induce. This was music to my ears. He later explained that he originally said that because in his experience, women with GD do not control their eating as much, and risk very large babies. I gained 7 lbs through my pregnancy and Doc was very happy with that.
I went in for a regular 39 week check, and my blood pressure was high. He asked me to come back in 2 days, and it was even higher. Higher than "good," but not high enough to do anything drastic. We talked in depth and Dr. Pohl said that given everything, if it was his wife, he'd induce sooner rather than later. That was a Thursday, and I talked him into letting me go the rest of the weekend to see if H came on his own. I also agreed to take it very easy. Sunday night if H hadn't made his debut, we would induce.
Although I understand there is a lot of controversy over inducing, there is not one doubt in my mind that I did the right thing for me and my boy. Informed decisions do not always result in the same decisions.
We trusted Dr. Pohl and his promise to get the baby here as safely as possible while doing the same for me. I went in Sunday night and we started the induction. Monday morning I was about 3cm., and he broke my water and started the pitocin. I was surprised at how good I felt. I was having contractions, but they were short and very tolerable. They were still feeding me whatever I wanted so I was a happy camper.
Once I got to 4+, they told me I could have my epidural whenever I wanted. I knew I wanted one, but I wanted to wait until I
really wanted it. I waited most of the day Monday without much more dilation, and without much more pain. Then things get a little fuzzy. Monday night I started dilating faster, and was feeling much more pain. I got the epidural sometime at night, and the pain was gone. Early Tuesday morning I was getting close to 9cm, but the baby was "OP." It took 20 minutes for us to ask what that meant. Opposite Position. The back of the skull is supposed to come down first, it is narrow, and soft, and designed to come out.
Well, Hardin was trying to come out face up, meaning the top of that precious 95 percentile head was trying to make it's way out with the widest part first. Doc massaged me and flipped me like a pancake every 20-30 minutes for over 4 hours. He knew I wanted to deliver if possible, and knew if we could get him in the right position I could.
Almost 6 hours later, and 27 hours after he broke my water, H hadn't budged and my temp spiked above 103. He told us that we may have to consider a C-Section soon. After a lot of discussion (way more than my mom or Jason wanted), we were in the OR hugging, and a few minutes later I was hearing Jason say "he looks like YOU!"
They brought that sweet baby to my face and I never thought twice about any of the rest of it. Who the heck would? I felt great, the baby was PERFECT, and my heart had doubled in size. No one in this world could ever adequately describe that first look, the first cuddle, and the wave of reality that comes over you at that moment in time. 11:16am on October 26, 2010, is a moment I will never ever ever forget.
My healing was remarkably easier than I thought it would be and I am still extremely thankful for that. We were able to go home as a family of 3 two days after Hardin's arrival.
Little baby Hardin, that is the story of how you made your debut. 13 hours shy of a year ago this very moment. The entire pregnancy and delivery was every bit as magical as I could have wished, even if not traditional. I loved every day that I carried you but have certainly loved every day you have been with us more!
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| For a while after Hardin's birth, I wouldn't show this picture to anyone. I look terrible and Jason looks like he could be on Grey's Anatomy. Now I see the beauty in it despite my hair and swollen face. It's our first picture as a family! |
